The sad thing about negativity is that most people do not even realize that it is a problem -- negative thinking has just become a HABIT for most people. I was having a conversation with a good friend a few months ago about HABITS. And it was the first time I truly thought about what HABIT really means. Habits are routine behaviors done on a regular basis. They are recurrent and often unconscious patterns of behavior and are acquired through frequent repetition. Many of these are unconscious as we don’t even realize we are doing them. So, what does it take to change a habit of negative thinking, or a behavior that most people do not even realize is a negative action, or a problem. And is it something that I should stay away from because it effects me negatively, when they do not even realize that their negativity is a problem? And why does it effect my life, and how I feel? Why I am not strong enough to let their negative thoughts and feeling not effect me?
Negativity is contagious! A great example that has been used many times is: "Take a cheerful, positive, hardworking employee and put them in a negative work environment, and the work environment will win every time." I know this to be true, from my own life experience! Also, when you spend time with negative people, it will inevitably rub off on your thoughts and beliefs. These negative people are also known as "ENERGY ZAPPERS". We all know who these people are -- after hanging around them, you tend to feel exhausted because they have zapped any and all of your positive energy out of you. This "zapping" is because they are users and takers -- they abuse your love, kindness and generosity. But more than that, you find yourself being negative because of the "zapper's" actions -- talking about it, thinking about it, complaining about it. So, when it is all said and done, you are just as bad as the "zapper". It is a viscous cycle.
So how do I stop the vicious cycle -- well I know I can not change the person, people, or behavior - so I have to change! Here are the steps that I am working on (like I said before I struggle with this EVERYDAY):
1) Discover who I am - Who do I want to be? What are my dreams and aspirations? Focus on myself and live the life I have always imagined for myself. This means, not allowing anyone or any thing keep me from my goals. I choose my life!
2) Spend time with like-minded people - I am social person, and want to spend time with people who share the same interest as me. I want to spend time with people who support my dreams and goals, and who I can support as well. I want to be around positive minded people who are bettering themselves, and who can teach me new things. I want to meet new people, and learn new things. It is an exciting time in my life, and I want to share my experiences with people who love me, and who are also looking to better their lives.
3) Recognize toxic personalities - we all know the people who are angry at life, blame everything on someone/something else, attention seekers, gossips, fear stricken -- these are the people who are always feeling down and angry about everything. The people that always say "poor me". These people seem to believe that they are owed something, but they will never take the steps to work for anything. When you start to recognize these behaviors, you will start to realize these are the "zappers" that will abuse and take everything that you are able to give.
4) Learn to pick up on the energy and vibes of your surroundings - We have all been in a place that "we are not feeling". Why is this? Probably because of the negative energy swirling around. Learn to pick up on these situations, and figure out how to deal with them. In may cases, it is probably easiest to just leave. But what if it is at work, and you are expected to work an 8 hour shift? Do you give in to the negativity, or to you change it to a positive situation. Many times this calls for "thinking outside the box". If you recognize and pick up on the negative energy early -- you just may be the person to save the day!
5) LISTEN - Many of the negative people will see a difference in you, and want to know your opinion about what they are going through. I have a problem with being too honest and forthright -- some people like, but it usually gets me into trouble, more than it helps a situation. I struggle with being empathetic at times. I really want to say "grow up and get your shit together", when sometimes the best thing to do is just shut up and listen. We do not always know what is best for people, sometimes the hardest thing for them to do is figure it out on their own, but it is probably the best way for them to learn. I can not make the decision for people -- and being a control freak, this is sometimes the hardest lesson for me to learn.
6) Watch what you say about YOU to the negative people in your life - this is a BIG one. Be careful to protect yourself from negative people. Remember these people are so unhappy with themselves, they will do anything to make themselves feel better -- this means taking shots at your dreams and goals. This just causes you to doubt yourself, and brings fear in you. It is unnecessary, and they do not deserve to know anything if they are just going to shoot it down.
7) Be HONEST - Okay, this is also something that you should use empathy with, but do not lie! Also, if you do not want to hear for the 100th time their "poor me" story, just say you are tired of hearing the same ole thing over and over again. But say, when you are ready to do something about it, I would love to talk more. And if they ask your opinion, be honest -- but remember their feelings.
8) Affirm yourself - this is something I have been practicing daily for over 20 years. Self Affirmation helps you ward off negativity. I do it every morning, and it starts my day off right and positive. Do it and Believe it!
9) Prove them wrong - If the negative person/people tell you you can not do something, it is a reflection on their own fears and insecurities. SO prove them wrong -- make your dreams a reality! DO not let anyone ever tell you you can not do something that you want and know that you can do. Not only do they give you more fire to go after what you want, maybe you will be able to help them see that ANYTHING is possible!
10) DROP THEM - this is harsh, and possibly the last move, especially if you have a strong relationship. Most negative people are searching for happiness, and if you can show them even an ounce of it -- IT IS WORTH IT! It may take a while, but helping people is a blessing. But for some people there is no hope, and they will continue to zap everything out of you -- they will continue to abuse the relationship you have with them - they will continue to take because that is what they expect from you. When it gets to a point, you have to drop these people. THEY DO NOT AND NEVER WILL DESERVE YOU! "Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you."
I promise myself...
To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet.
To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.
-- Christian D. Larson
